Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
