we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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