I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
