that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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