remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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