We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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