I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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