member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
