I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
