Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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