Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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