i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
