dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just invented taco cereal.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
