Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
