Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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