I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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