I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
