What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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