I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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