I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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