North Korea, Best Korea!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
