Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
