first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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