You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
