just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
