you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
