I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
