WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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