I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
