How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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