Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
