Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
