im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
