i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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