I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
