Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
