yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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