you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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