I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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