Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
