Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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