Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
soo... how was my night?
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