And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
