it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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