Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
