If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Someone shattered a urinal.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
