i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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