Do you still have your period?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
