she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
