oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
