I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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