I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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