trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
