So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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