i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
