There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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