She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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