the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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