I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
