i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
