How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
