Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
