you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
