i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
