He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
