Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We had sex on a dog bed..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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