Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
