remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
