Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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