Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i came on her dog
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
