Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
